Viranga Perera

Postdoc at the Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Lab

Final Foundry

Dear Reader,

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts please, please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255). There are several warning signs of suicide*: 

  • Talking about wanting to die
  • Looking for a way to kill oneself
  • Talking about feeling hopeless or having no purpose 
  • Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain 
  • Talking about being a burden to others
  • Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs 
  • Acting anxious and/or agitated
  • Engaging in reckless behavior
  • Sleeping too little or too much
  • Withdrawing or feeling isolated
  • Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge 
  • Displaying extreme mood swings
    *This list is from Recommendations for Blogging on Suicide (bloggingonsuicide.org)

This post is not intended for those who have suicidal thoughts. It is rather for those who want to understand. Nothing I have to say is as important as you being alive and well. You are not alone, please call the Lifeline (1-800-273-8255).

With love,

Viranga

Final Foundry

It is diurnal, I don’t feel normal.
Go through a portal into what’s awful.
I feel self-repulse, need to self-avulse,
Then I get impulse, to stop my own pulse.

But why so inclined? You may want defined.
It’s a state of mind that makes me confined.
With these thoughts I seize, it’s a damn disease.
Wish I had the keys to flip the unease.

In part I admit it is my own shit.
Gets me to this pit, don’t care for one bit.
Part of my aliment, is this damn judgement.
Setting like cement and causing torment.
Telling me I suck because who I muck
or not. Garbage truck, is where you should tuck
those words. They do hurt, baiting to revert
till I can’t insert my will, but it’s dirt.

Thought I was Yoda? That’s not true, no duh.
Can’t do some yoga, get to the coda.
Joy I didn’t forgo, perhaps you should know.
Wish I could veto, when I’m feeling low
At final foundry, core-mantle boundary.

Please do show soundly camaraderie.
Not just stand around until everyone’s town
becomes a ghost town. Nah! Let’s get it down
all the way to nil who self-harm or kill
ourselves, since we’re ill. If we don’t who will?